[The sight of Touya's smile--unreserved, unrefined--is something else Hikaru doesn't know what to do with. They're having a moment, she's pretty sure, like something out of a manga, where two characters have been at odds forever but that doesn't mean they can't find common cause. Hikaru might be cradling the fan against her chest, letting it nestle near to her heart, but she's using Touya's handkerchief to wipe at her mouth and her eyes again. She presses the dark fabric to her cheek like it's the curve of Touya's own palm, and it's an undeniable kindness, in the end. Touya is being kind to her even when they both know her capacity for cruelty is boundless. Yeah, Touya has to keep her claws curled under for safety's sake, around other people, but Hikaru has felt the deep slice of her more than once before. It'd be easier, she thinks, if Touya came out and said she was worthless: not worth the time of day, not worth the energy to chase after, not worth any ultimatums or challenges or toothy, beautiful smiles. It'd be easier if Touya allowed Shindou Hikaru to fade into obscurity, into the boring footnotes of history, instead of demanding that she pick herself back up. But Touya isn't giving her the chance to get away from all of this just yet.
Hikaru shudders into a low sigh, keeping her head turned away. She's wondering where she can possibly find the strength to stand. When Touya stands up, she makes it look like it's her birthright, like she was born specifically to tower over everyone else and remind them of their place in the dirt. Hikaru actually has trouble looking up at her, even from an angle, maybe because of the fluorescent lighting above them or maybe because of Touya's own intense stare. Touya could be shining right now. Touya could be the sun in the sky. The impulse is there for Hikaru to shield her eyes, but she keeps both hands knotted up in Touya's soft handkerchief.]
You... [Get your own damn dream, she wants to snap, feeling a little bruised by the promise and what it threatens. She doesn't doubt Touya's brutality where this kind of thing is concerned. If Hikaru lags too far behind, Touya isn't going to stop and wait for her to catch up. She'll claim the title Hikaru has coveted for years and years, and she'll hold onto it, out of purest spite. Hikaru doesn't know how it's possible for one person to be that spiteful. It must be hard to live like that. She mutters,] If this is your idea of encouragement, it could really use some work, Touya. You moron. You complete idiot. [And she takes a second or two to scrub at her eyes with the handkerchief one final time. It's her way of fighting off the possibility of more tears, trying to bully them into submission. Her shoulders do hitch upward, and there's a soft sound from her throat, too, softer than a hiccup, but for the most part she's getting closer to steadiness inside herself. Touya's challenge is something tangible to focus on, to orient herself around, like a landmark in the distance...
She doesn't realize she's smiling (of all things, she's smiling) until she already is. Even so:]
I don't want to go back to the awards ceremony. I don't think I'm up for a post-game discussion, either, so...
no subject
Hikaru shudders into a low sigh, keeping her head turned away. She's wondering where she can possibly find the strength to stand. When Touya stands up, she makes it look like it's her birthright, like she was born specifically to tower over everyone else and remind them of their place in the dirt. Hikaru actually has trouble looking up at her, even from an angle, maybe because of the fluorescent lighting above them or maybe because of Touya's own intense stare. Touya could be shining right now. Touya could be the sun in the sky. The impulse is there for Hikaru to shield her eyes, but she keeps both hands knotted up in Touya's soft handkerchief.]
You... [Get your own damn dream, she wants to snap, feeling a little bruised by the promise and what it threatens. She doesn't doubt Touya's brutality where this kind of thing is concerned. If Hikaru lags too far behind, Touya isn't going to stop and wait for her to catch up. She'll claim the title Hikaru has coveted for years and years, and she'll hold onto it, out of purest spite. Hikaru doesn't know how it's possible for one person to be that spiteful. It must be hard to live like that. She mutters,] If this is your idea of encouragement, it could really use some work, Touya. You moron. You complete idiot. [And she takes a second or two to scrub at her eyes with the handkerchief one final time. It's her way of fighting off the possibility of more tears, trying to bully them into submission. Her shoulders do hitch upward, and there's a soft sound from her throat, too, softer than a hiccup, but for the most part she's getting closer to steadiness inside herself. Touya's challenge is something tangible to focus on, to orient herself around, like a landmark in the distance...
She doesn't realize she's smiling (of all things, she's smiling) until she already is. Even so:]
I don't want to go back to the awards ceremony. I don't think I'm up for a post-game discussion, either, so...