when is the right time for anything? who knows? living is an art, not a science.

[protential]

[Usually, washing a bunch of Go stones is one of the most soothing, heart-settling things Hikaru can do. It's very slow, repetitive, and gentle all around, because he's trying hard not to chip the edges or anything. The water is set to a tepid warmth, too, like a stretch of bathwater he could fall asleep in. And the mild detergent he's using is just that: mild, inoffensive, generally pleasant to the senses. Usually, Hikaru can enter a sort of trance when he's doing this sort of thing, transferring the stones from bowls to the water to the line of drying containers. Washing away a week's worth of oil and germs from the salon patrons isn't as gross as it sounds. It's relaxing. Or, it's supposed to be relaxing. It's why he volunteered to do this over the weekend, and it's even better to have Touya here with him, helping him out. He really needs the chance to relax after being told he has to go through the team qualifiers all over again. He's still pretty pissed off about that, about his official record not speaking for itself, but that's less of an issue than, uh...

Touya has been in such a good mood all week. Literally, all week. It's making Hikaru kind of jealous, honestly, at this point. Touya has no idea that the wheels of fate have been set in motion, that certain deadlines loom large over everything--he has no fucking idea. Earlier, he was smiling when he mentioned offhandedly--obliviously, more like--that his parents were leaving the country again rather soon, so Hikaru would be able to come over and stay with him again. He went on to say, still smiling, that his father said to remind Hikaru that he agreed to play him again before they had to leave. And Hikaru almost protested--he didn't agree to anything--before realizing what that actually meant. The next game is the end of the line, bright red and uncompromising. Touya's dad is expecting to hear some results, sooner rather than later; he wants these loose ends tied up before he jets off to wherever the hell. God damn it, Hikaru thinks, why can't anyone see the amount of stress he's under right now? Why can't this wait until after the Hokuto Cup is over?! The qualifiers, at the very least...

Hikaru bites his bottom lip and glances over Touya, whose elbow just nudged against his own--then he looks back down into the soapy, soupy mixture he has his hands sunk into. As far as utility closets go, this one is much more spacious than not, so they don't need to be standing as close together as they are right now. In the last week, he's really noticed how much Touya tends to gravitate toward him, no matter what's going on. He doesn't mind it. He likes it, even. And he'd be content to let orbital gravity proceed at its own pace, if not for this intractable deadline.]

Hey, Touya...

[There's something we have to talk about. He rehearsed it several times this morning, trying to find the right balance between speed, pitch, cadence, and so on. He doesn't want to freak Touya out before he gets to the point, so...

...

...

..............]

So, I was thinking, that, uh...

[ffffuuuuuck]

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[protential]

[If Hikaru were forced to say one thing he genuinely likes about his own Go, it would be this: his ability to read far into the future. He's most definitely above average when it comes to visualizing where a game can go next. This ability to see dozens of possibilities and how they branch out into more possibilities--it's akin to tree roots spreading and splitting, again and again, and he can follow them down to what's most favorable to him. When it comes to this kind of thing, too, finally asking Touya out, he thought he had gamed out every possible way this could go right or wrong or everything in between. But he missed the variation where Touya looks at him like he's staring down the barrel of a gun, one twitch away from eradication. He missed the variation where Touya, for no apparent reason, dives back into the water to take hold of his hand in a viselike grip. He missed the variation where Touya stammers--actually goddamn stammers, no matter its heat--out a response about what he wants and the space he's made to arrange it in. After all he's missed out on, Hikaru is admittedly a little slack-jawed, and his eyes are wider than ever, a startled hue. He doesn't know the first thing about the variation they're going down. In an alternate universe, Touya was supposed to laugh him off with a few choice words about not letting his dick get in the way of his rivalry. Or, Touya was supposed to accept the offer as it stands, but in a quiet, demure, graciously cute way, because he's never gone out with someone before.

Hikaru doesn't know if he likes this variation thus far. To have Touya squeezing his hand, and to see the worry lines carving up Touya's pale face, like he's expecting the worst--Hikaru doesn't like those details much at all. It makes him want to take his hands out of the water and set them against Touya's features, gently, ever so gently. His cheeks, first, and then his temples. Lately, he's taken to using his thumbs to smooth out the creases on that forehead, guiding them into irrelevance. Whatever was haunting Touya, stressing him out, temporarily banished with a touch. It's something he really likes doing when they're waiting to fall asleep together, sharing the same futon and everything. Touya always makes the softest, sleepiest sounds when Hikaru tends to him, the sort that pluck hard at one's heartstrings. Right now, Touya looks like every string inside of him is in danger of snapping. It's no good. It's the worst, in fact.

In memory of something bitter, Hikaru's throat works around a rough, painful swallow, his tongue pressing against the backs of his teeth. Touya-sensei had plenty to say during their game about the strange, powerful effect Hikaru has had on his son. Akira had his heart set on you for longer than you know, or so he rumbled, and Hikaru actually felt like shit to hear that Touya was always thinking about him. He ended up apologizing for all he's done to distract Touya from his otherwise straightforward shot at a career. Touya's father simply sighed, disappointed, (which was mortifying enough on its own,) and asked him if he ever bothered to apologize to Touya himself.]

Touya...

[Just as Hikaru is about to compose an apology, he's also absorbing the wild things Touya is telling him, the things too important to ignore. His eyes go wider, and wider still, and the next time he's swallows, he's pretty sure he caught a mouthful of those small moths flitting near the light: they're going crazy down his throat and all around his stomach. He hasn't looked away from Touya, and he isn't going to look away, even when Touya takes it upon himself to dry off his hand. The other one drips freely onto the floor, a few fingers twitching with pent-up energy. ...then I'm your boyfriend. No way. I found my eternal rival. No way. Come on. You are mine. He tries to bite his bottom lip to stop it from doing something weird, like dancing up both sides of his face, but...

In all his variations, he never once stopped to consider what would happen after Touya accepted him.] Really? [he asks, then, and he sounds like a literal squeak toy, trying not to shout by tightening his throat.] You want to? With me? You seriously want to go out with me? [And he gives no warning whatsoever before he yanks his hands away and then practically launches himself into Touya's arms, ready or not. His own arms go up and around Touya's neck, as tight as anything, and he loses himself to this high-pitched, uncontrollable burst of laughter. The smartest, prettiest boy in the whole world wants to date him of all people--how is he supposed to believe that? It's happening, yeah, but how is he supposed to believe it?! It's enough to make him weak and wobbly in the knees. Enough to make him forget, if only for the time being, that the Hokuto Cup is looming ahead of him like a guillotine.

In a rush, and a rushing of blood to his head:] I want to be your eternal rival, and your boyfriend, and your best friend-- [This is also the first time he's admitting to that.] Because you're all of those things to me, Touya, and I wanted to-- All this time, I didn't think you'd-- [He isn't eloquent enough for a full speech, so he just sloppily kisses into Touya's hair, landing near the sweet-smelling shell of an ear. His breaths are coming quickly now, but they're each determined.] I just want to be with you, [he says on one of those breaths, making a vow that extends far into the future.] Any way. In every way possible. If you found me, then I found you, too. I found you, I found you, and I'm keeping you right here with me.