[Intently, as intently as he regards the kifu, Hikaru listens to everything Touya is saying to him. He goes over each sentence in his head, and then he considers Touya's tone, and his inflection, also, trying hard to grasp their meaning. When Touya says he isn't angry, it actually sounds like he isn't angry; it sounds like he's trying to be one of those wispy clouds hanging over the ocean. Hikaru still doesn't release himself from his remorseful bow, though. He's ready to repeat what he just said, another apology, for everything he's done, just every offense he's ever committed. Yesterday, he said if he apologized for his mysterious past, he wouldn't be able to stop apologizing. He'd be apologizing for the rest of his life for being so thoughtless, for tracking that mud all over the mats. His mouth opens, then, his tongue getting ready... (If something happens to him, he doesn't want Touya to not have any closure.) (He wants Touya to understand exactly what he was thinking.) (He wants Touya to understand it wasn't Touya's own fault by any means.) (He wants Touya to know that he loved being with him.) (And that when he went, he was definitely smiling.)
Hikaru, maybe because he's a coward, decides to just shut his mouth again. Hesitantly, he looks up through his bleached bangs at Touya--his darker roots are more obvious now, and he's going to have to get that taken care of before New Year's Eve. Then he sits upright like a tall pole of koinobori, with a look on his face that's about as windblown, too. He glances back down at the kifu, then back up again, comparing the brilliant person on the page to the one who's waiting across from him.
Still so soft:]
You just get worried about everything, and I know that's just the kind of person you are. But, Touya, I want to be... I want to be the kind of person who takes your worries away, not adds onto them. [Oh, god. It sounded a hell of a lot better in his head than when spoken out loud. Hikaru ducks his head slightly, cursing himself, but his eyes are still trained on Touya's concerned face. He might as well be playing backgammon for how out of his depth he feels.] That's what I've been trying to say to you all along.
[And it's in that moment he slides the kifu--now completed--his two pens moved on their own, like automatic writing--over to Touya's outstretched hand. A peace offering, then. A proposal. A promise. Just the evidence of what amazing things they can achieve when they're together.]
no subject
Hikaru, maybe because he's a coward, decides to just shut his mouth again. Hesitantly, he looks up through his bleached bangs at Touya--his darker roots are more obvious now, and he's going to have to get that taken care of before New Year's Eve. Then he sits upright like a tall pole of koinobori, with a look on his face that's about as windblown, too. He glances back down at the kifu, then back up again, comparing the brilliant person on the page to the one who's waiting across from him.
Still so soft:]
You just get worried about everything, and I know that's just the kind of person you are. But, Touya, I want to be... I want to be the kind of person who takes your worries away, not adds onto them. [Oh, god. It sounded a hell of a lot better in his head than when spoken out loud. Hikaru ducks his head slightly, cursing himself, but his eyes are still trained on Touya's concerned face. He might as well be playing backgammon for how out of his depth he feels.] That's what I've been trying to say to you all along.
[And it's in that moment he slides the kifu--now completed--his two pens moved on their own, like automatic writing--over to Touya's outstretched hand. A peace offering, then. A proposal. A promise. Just the evidence of what amazing things they can achieve when they're together.]