[Hikaru packed his black hoodie for tonight, just in case, and now just-in-case is looking a little prescient. He shrugs his way into it quickly enough, so he has the time to sit here and drink the rest of his tea and, well, stare at Touya as he dresses himself in the haori. Up until right this very moment, Hikaru always thought of traditional clothing as being impractical at best. Formless, yeah. Ugly, definitely. He used to make jokes about how he was glad no one else could see Sai because that noshi sugata was sooooooo not up to his standards. Yet Touya is making something old as fuck look like it belongs on a glitzy, camera-lined runway in Paris. This is some real live haute couture right here. Inside a mouthful of tea, Hikaru mutters,] God damn, [at the sight of that fur stole settling around Touya's slim shoulders. If Go doesn't work out, Touya's going to have a lucrative modeling career to fall back on.
He doesn't know when exactly he started being attracted to Touya Akira. It's probably more like he had that attraction for a while and only began to notice it somewhat recently. Maybe his attraction to Touya is another facet of his unrepentant obsession, a reflection owed to that hardened, battle-tested diamond inside his heart... Unsurprisingly, Waya wasn't any help when Hikaru asked him, using vague language, what he should do if he has a crush on somebody. Isumi-san said they could talk about it later, and then they never did, in a departure of schedules and priorities. He spends most of his free time with Touya these days, at least when he isn't trying to bury himself in his own bed. On the way to the shrine, it's surreal to think he was convinced of his own death only a few days ago. He's pretty good at pretending he isn't convinced of it even now. If he decided to run off, Touya would chase him the fuck down, no question, so it's for the best if he keeps walking down this road. He didn't anticipating seeing so many people--even the small clusters count as so many to him. He makes a soft sound of agreement about the lanterns, judicious, even though he can't predict where he'll be a year from now. He should try to be here, but that doesn't mean he's going to be...
By the way, he doesn't realize how nervous he is until Touya reaches for his hand and he can feel the woeful clench of his own fingers. This is just a new experience, like cameras at a hotel, or his first study session, or whatever else, and he always get nervous before doing something new.] This is my first time ever going to a shrine for New Year's, [he says, then, with a half-hearted giggle. A belated confession, a vulnerability. But he forces himself to loosen up his fingers so they can get tangled in Touya's, all warm and safe.
On the shrine grounds, a good amount of his nervousness evaporates when he notices the food stalls set up in various places. He definitely doesn't let go of Touya's hand as he drags him from stall to stall, mooning over what looks delicious. There are some vanilla-frosted, rabbit-shaped biscuits that he seriously has to try; he buys a few to share with Touya, and he still doesn't let go of Touya's hand. The charms are mystifying artifacts, something else he knows nothing about, and he almost gives Touya a stroke by asking if he can open them up and see what's inside. He's irritated about being snarled at for no reason, his frown bent at a crooked angle, but he still doesn't let go of Touya's hand. Later on, waiting for the bells to start reminds him of his nervousness all over again, because he doesn't know what to expect, at all, and Touya is being firm about giving no hints. He doesn't let go of Touya's hand.
The bells aren't as loud as overwhelming as he imagined them to be, but they're much more resonant than not. They make the air itself hum, smooth and deep and timeless, and he's uncomfortably reminded of the heavier atmosphere that followed Sai everywhere. A smattering of applause answers each tone, while Hikaru is too busy focusing on the sound itself. He ends up closing his eyes for a dozen or so chimes, absorbing the sound. When they slowly open again, he's already looking over at Touya, who's already looking at him. That prompts him to smile, to remember how to smile, squeezing Touya's hand. Then it's over and done with, and the relative silence is a startling thing.] That was pretty cool, [he admits, which also doesn't describe what it was like at all.
He's surprised to find out individuals are allowed to ring the bell, too. Standing in line, though, he seems distracted, more and more restless, cold and clammy, even nauseated, as he waits for his turn at the bell. By the time he gets up there, and he's ringing the bell for himself-- Sai, he thinks, with the same desperation of a man searching for water in the desert. Sai, I don't know if you can hear me, and I don't have time to tell you everything, but if you are listening, could you just... please, please, for me, could you just... Thankfully, no one gets on his case about lingering in front of the bell for his prayers. He returns to Touya's side, having received no sign at all, no matter the pleading. He's stupid for thinking it would be any different.
Touya's gift looks way too large, too valuable, now that he's looking down at it again. He glances up at Touya hesitantly, then starts to unwrap it, taking care not to rip the paper to an unnecessary degree. As the corner of it comes into view, he bites the inside of his cheek, not sure what he's looking at yet. Then there's the rest of the album, with its skillfully painted branches and elegant, shimmery cranes. He still isn't sure what he's looking at, other than something that's very old, very beautiful--he should be handling it with sterile gloves. Then Touya speaks up with his one heart-wrenching request.]
Jeez, Touya... [The shadows don't make the glimmers of Hikaru's eyes any easier to deal with. His shoulders hitch up higher--he's feeling too much all of the sudden--and then he exhales, long and hard, his fingers skirting over the edges of the album.] This is beautiful. I didn't... I wasn't expecting anything like this. I'll put our kifu in here, if you're sure... if you do want me to have this. It looks like something important. [It looks like a damn heirloom. He almost--but then he doesn't touch the crane that's gliding down to meet the other. He's afraid of smearing the maki-e somehow.] Thank you. [He leans in and kisses Touya on the cheek. They're both cold.
His gift to Touya is absolute dogshit compared to the album. It's too late to take it back, but he's embarrassed about pulling the box out of the pouch of his hoodie and handing it over. Inside the white box is a simple jewelry box, pure white velvet, and inside of that... a relatively unremarkable wrist watch. It's a meeting of black and white on the dials and hands, its own tsuke, with a single bigger watch face and two smaller ones for different time zones.] I just saw it in the store the other day and I thought of you. [His smile is almost too weak to be called a smile.] The colors, like stones, and... I thought it'd look good on you. And it has these extra time zones, so you can... so, wherever your parents are, you'll know what time it is for them. [Fucking phone apps can handle that sort of thing, Shindou. What were you thinking.] I set this bigger one to JST, and this other one, here, to CST, for Beijing... and this one down here, uhm, that's on GMT for now. If you're traveling somewhere, you can use it, for yourself, I guess...
[A little defensive, as if he's assuming Touya will hate it:]
no subject
He doesn't know when exactly he started being attracted to Touya Akira. It's probably more like he had that attraction for a while and only began to notice it somewhat recently. Maybe his attraction to Touya is another facet of his unrepentant obsession, a reflection owed to that hardened, battle-tested diamond inside his heart... Unsurprisingly, Waya wasn't any help when Hikaru asked him, using vague language, what he should do if he has a crush on somebody. Isumi-san said they could talk about it later, and then they never did, in a departure of schedules and priorities. He spends most of his free time with Touya these days, at least when he isn't trying to bury himself in his own bed. On the way to the shrine, it's surreal to think he was convinced of his own death only a few days ago. He's pretty good at pretending he isn't convinced of it even now. If he decided to run off, Touya would chase him the fuck down, no question, so it's for the best if he keeps walking down this road. He didn't anticipating seeing so many people--even the small clusters count as so many to him. He makes a soft sound of agreement about the lanterns, judicious, even though he can't predict where he'll be a year from now. He should try to be here, but that doesn't mean he's going to be...
By the way, he doesn't realize how nervous he is until Touya reaches for his hand and he can feel the woeful clench of his own fingers. This is just a new experience, like cameras at a hotel, or his first study session, or whatever else, and he always get nervous before doing something new.] This is my first time ever going to a shrine for New Year's, [he says, then, with a half-hearted giggle. A belated confession, a vulnerability. But he forces himself to loosen up his fingers so they can get tangled in Touya's, all warm and safe.
On the shrine grounds, a good amount of his nervousness evaporates when he notices the food stalls set up in various places. He definitely doesn't let go of Touya's hand as he drags him from stall to stall, mooning over what looks delicious. There are some vanilla-frosted, rabbit-shaped biscuits that he seriously has to try; he buys a few to share with Touya, and he still doesn't let go of Touya's hand. The charms are mystifying artifacts, something else he knows nothing about, and he almost gives Touya a stroke by asking if he can open them up and see what's inside. He's irritated about being snarled at for no reason, his frown bent at a crooked angle, but he still doesn't let go of Touya's hand. Later on, waiting for the bells to start reminds him of his nervousness all over again, because he doesn't know what to expect, at all, and Touya is being firm about giving no hints. He doesn't let go of Touya's hand.
The bells aren't as loud as overwhelming as he imagined them to be, but they're much more resonant than not. They make the air itself hum, smooth and deep and timeless, and he's uncomfortably reminded of the heavier atmosphere that followed Sai everywhere. A smattering of applause answers each tone, while Hikaru is too busy focusing on the sound itself. He ends up closing his eyes for a dozen or so chimes, absorbing the sound. When they slowly open again, he's already looking over at Touya, who's already looking at him. That prompts him to smile, to remember how to smile, squeezing Touya's hand. Then it's over and done with, and the relative silence is a startling thing.] That was pretty cool, [he admits, which also doesn't describe what it was like at all.
He's surprised to find out individuals are allowed to ring the bell, too. Standing in line, though, he seems distracted, more and more restless, cold and clammy, even nauseated, as he waits for his turn at the bell. By the time he gets up there, and he's ringing the bell for himself-- Sai, he thinks, with the same desperation of a man searching for water in the desert. Sai, I don't know if you can hear me, and I don't have time to tell you everything, but if you are listening, could you just... please, please, for me, could you just... Thankfully, no one gets on his case about lingering in front of the bell for his prayers. He returns to Touya's side, having received no sign at all, no matter the pleading. He's stupid for thinking it would be any different.
Touya's gift looks way too large, too valuable, now that he's looking down at it again. He glances up at Touya hesitantly, then starts to unwrap it, taking care not to rip the paper to an unnecessary degree. As the corner of it comes into view, he bites the inside of his cheek, not sure what he's looking at yet. Then there's the rest of the album, with its skillfully painted branches and elegant, shimmery cranes. He still isn't sure what he's looking at, other than something that's very old, very beautiful--he should be handling it with sterile gloves. Then Touya speaks up with his one heart-wrenching request.]
Jeez, Touya... [The shadows don't make the glimmers of Hikaru's eyes any easier to deal with. His shoulders hitch up higher--he's feeling too much all of the sudden--and then he exhales, long and hard, his fingers skirting over the edges of the album.] This is beautiful. I didn't... I wasn't expecting anything like this. I'll put our kifu in here, if you're sure... if you do want me to have this. It looks like something important. [It looks like a damn heirloom. He almost--but then he doesn't touch the crane that's gliding down to meet the other. He's afraid of smearing the maki-e somehow.] Thank you. [He leans in and kisses Touya on the cheek. They're both cold.
His gift to Touya is absolute dogshit compared to the album. It's too late to take it back, but he's embarrassed about pulling the box out of the pouch of his hoodie and handing it over. Inside the white box is a simple jewelry box, pure white velvet, and inside of that... a relatively unremarkable wrist watch. It's a meeting of black and white on the dials and hands, its own tsuke, with a single bigger watch face and two smaller ones for different time zones.] I just saw it in the store the other day and I thought of you. [His smile is almost too weak to be called a smile.] The colors, like stones, and... I thought it'd look good on you. And it has these extra time zones, so you can... so, wherever your parents are, you'll know what time it is for them. [Fucking phone apps can handle that sort of thing, Shindou. What were you thinking.] I set this bigger one to JST, and this other one, here, to CST, for Beijing... and this one down here, uhm, that's on GMT for now. If you're traveling somewhere, you can use it, for yourself, I guess...
[A little defensive, as if he's assuming Touya will hate it:]
It would look really good on you.